He disabled his match.com account in front of me
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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