i just identified you from a description of your pipe
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I have fence marks all over my body
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
