Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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