That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize