So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
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you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
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you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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