he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
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This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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