i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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