a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
you never un-have a 4some
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
