im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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