you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
