I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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