Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
