the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
