My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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