Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
