Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
