Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
