Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
