we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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