dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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