apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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