Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
