I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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