i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
