somebody snuck up and got me drunk
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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