Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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