Buhtt sex?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I came so hard my ears popped.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
