We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
