She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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