put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
