I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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