I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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