I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
