the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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