my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Randomize
