Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
