Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
