the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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