I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
