fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
