i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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