You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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