ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
