i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
you will always have a special place in my vag
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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