there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
