The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
