just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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