just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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