Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
