I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
