That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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