apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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