youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
