this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
