he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
