i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
