i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
