i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
