Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Drake has all the answers
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
