They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
