Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
is that a dick in a sweater?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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