I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
