kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
