took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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