There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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