i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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