i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
