Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
