Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
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