i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
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