WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He? As in you personified your dick?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
