well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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