You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
