OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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